When I started to understand narcissism only seven years ago, I had never heard of it, didn't know it was "a thing" until I read an article and my mind was opened because it resonated. Same with mysogyny. I'd experienced all that both are all my life in one way or another - home, work, social. It was like I had been swimming in the sea believing I was safe then suddenly someone gave me goggles and I saw the sharks below . 

It was all real and happening to me and others long before I knew of it - many still don't. So not knowing something existed didn't make it less real, less true, less necessary to know about...just something that was happening outside of my known or subjective reality - until it wasn't. 

I got out of the water, I learned more about it all, I felt so driven to know more and I couldn't stop learning - it has been all consuming for so long now. I have needed to know it - make that knowing a part of me somehow so it has created a shield, a protection to my mind because I understand it in my Soul - it is as innate to me as a "viral antibody" is to my immune system. I couldn't recover from all it had done until I'd fully understood what it was and how I'd been exposed - I felt I couldn't get back in the water until I had it nailed down and fully saw it and it's affects on me as well as others. 

But when we understand, know something so vital to other people's well being it's hard to keep it under wraps - not share it for the good of all. But maybe that's just my colour palette? 

Now these combined behaviours have become a "new colour" in my life spectrum. I see it everywhere... How have I lived all this time and not known it existed - the effects and consequences of it ? Let's call this "colour" Roopey so now I have all the colours of the rainbow plus Roopey. I hadn't seen the Roopey in my pictures before but I had felt it, it was the darkness, I couldn't lose or ignore it but now I can see the view differently. Roopey gives what I see greater depth, it is the contrast that makes the light colours really pop. 

I'm not a text book learner, I don't do audio too well either - I need to live it to learn it, figure it out for myself. Watch, observe, write, envision, feel and then work it out in 3D. Again, that's my colour palette - we are all different. 

My earliest memories as a child show me who I am, what I felt and believe all came from within me - not an external voice or source. It's never changed through my life but none of it has been the same as anyone else's way of living or believing. I didn't think I was wrong but I didn't know why I was different so I never spoke of it - ever. I searched for answers but they only came when I was ready to learn. 

I heard of people going to prison for their political or religious beliefs, their heart felt beliefs and it hurt me - I decided if I was imprisoned like Nelson Mandela was, I'd escape in my own mind - I didn't ever know why I'd be in that situation or how I'd escape in my own mind, I just knew I would and it made me less afraid because I could feel it was true, it would be OK 

Getting out of the water has been something like that, "a type of prison", a necessary time alone to do all I've needed to do and whilst how I've lived has seemed strange to others, its been my "normal" and those closest to me accepted it as me and what I do, how I live. Learning of our Soul's Evolution let alone it's Anatomy in being human has been all embracing to say the least  I didn't, I don't escape in my mind, it's so much more than that... And it's so real.

Once my mind was opened up to not just learn this new information but to trust entirely in what I was learning and be able to feel it, use it my view on "the world" has, over the last six years, altered significantly but beyond that, I have literally felt my body, my heart, my mind all behaving like a well oiled machine and it feels as physical and as real as my body does. Yet it is unseen. 

It feels like all my life I've been driving a car but now I'd gone to the depths of the ocean and found a space ship... I got to experience it to know what the end goal was... 

The car by comparison is so incredibly limiting, it's windshield has poor visibility, it's slow and it's sat nav always chooses to avoid the "fastest route" however many times I change its setting . It has "a mind of its own" that takes control but doesn't really understand why it's doing what it's doing, going the way it's going and why sometimes it breaks down when there seems little fundamentally wrong with the engine IMHO  the on board computer processor shouts about faults and issues and we ignore them at our peril. 

It's clueless at looking for, let alone reading the signs, it rarely stays in its own lane but every car has a personality and we love them for it. All I've been learning explained without doubt all that was "wrong with my car" and how to put it right 

The rear view and side view mirrors in most people's cars never get used enough, a little like the indicators I guess, but in understanding "the car" having been tempted by "the spaceship" I was made very acutely aware that more time needed to be spent using the rear view mirror and emptying the boot space of all baggage and passengers needed to be dropped off sooner rather than later if I was ever going to be allowed to upgrade to the space ship ... Space ships don't take baggage in the same way a car does 

Now over all this time as I've been able to discover the space ship and all it can do - I don't want the car anymore.... Who would? 

The space ship to begin with was so complicated, so sensitive and it came with it's own "inbuilt masculine energy teacher to help me learn everything I've needed to know" - he is part of my Space ship, who I am. All I could do, was allowed to do initially, was open the door and turn the lights on but over time I've found "the ignition", had lots and lots of lessons, learned how to take off and at times even "fly for a moment". It's a little bumpy at times, my landings have been absolutely shit, more of a crash landing to be fair but with practice it's got easier and more recently I felt I'd found cruise control for a while... Maybe I could fly at last... 

Incarnate, as a human being, all anyone has is "a car". Noone has explained it fully though, made "it's anatomy" fully transparent let alone understood because noone has known and as such, it's no wonder we are all such a mess and seemingly "getting it all so wrong". It's how it's meant to be but now it's time to educate the world, be more transparent over what's what and how much it matters . In learning about my car, fixing it.. I know more to help others. 

With all I've learned over all these years, I realise now that if other people can have their minds opened to all they need to know about "their car", it's fullest potential in every sense of who they truly are - maybe they can finally get to live their "best life" in a less stressful, less emotionally painful way, the world would get to be a better place for us all despite anyone's colour palette and consequently, other people would have less power over us and our minds, our choices? We would be more self aware - more autonomous 

Sadly noone else but those in my colour palette are going to get a space ship - for everyone else, it's more aligned to showing them "their car" could be chitty chitty bang bang... Full of personality and they can fly if they just believe they can. For many it would be James Bond's many feature super cars....we are all different, people just need to understand their true potential. 

The Mind can be educated to understand the concept, the way it works and that brings it's own belief and belief brings proof and proof confirms belief and strengthens faith in a new way of "driving the car". If people are just told to drive off a cliff and believe they can fly, they'll be woefully disappointed in the results - it's more complex than that but it's not difficult   

It's like undoing the iceberg of belief - currently the car is a set make and model, it does so many mpg, it accelerates to a set speed..looks a certain way, is a certain age and mileage before it's "defunct and past it's best"  cars are what we make them, what we build them to be, they're our personality, our uniqueness but when we buy a factory model and dumb them down to "set types and models" they become boring and uninspiring. Empty Boxes on wheels... Auto pilot in all its boring glory - I like to drive and people are forgetting what it is to do just that! 

So we need to create a new new iceberg of belief that teaches everyone what "their car" is really capable of, how it can be upgraded and remodelled internally, under the bonnet as well as externally, how far and fast it can drive when it's best looked after, self diagnose it's rattles and funny noises, service it regularly and truly love it for what it is and what it can do for us and other road users - what we make it. Put the best sound system in and create the vibration we want to feel - joy, freedom, happiness... Love   

People can love our car, admire it, copy it, want our car but it's our car and we get to drive and choose the passengers - if any  if someone scratches it, pulls it apart verbally, insults it physically then we learn how to drive away and stay away. Be a "Herbie" with go faster stripes 

Our copilot can't ever be the sat nav... It's "the car" that sees ours and loves it for all it is, the car that respects lanes and boundaries, checks the road conditions and tyre pressures, oil levels, cleans it and listens for funny noises to help us in our journey because "that car" knows how to love "our car" ... And we know how to love and respect theirs in just the same way... We don't tow each other along, cut each other up, race to be first - we drive side by side in exclusive unity. How we embellish or bedazzle our car is firmly grounded in our unique colour palette and personality 

We never sell our car out to the highest bidder, we don't allow ourselves to feel worthless or "less than" by someone else's bigger, flashier model - money may buy more expense things but it doesn't necessarily make what we buy any better .

Our car takes us to amazing places, on beautiful expansive adventures but not if we don't look after it, listen to it, treasure it, understand it. Equally it can break down, lose its way, feel like it's on its final journey if we don't fill up with fuel - cars need Love, not just petrol and oil. It takes a lifetime to learn how to drive well, look after our car, get the best out of it and have the most fun as well as be where we need to be, learn what we have to learn, meet the best and worst of other cars... We have to share the roads with absolute arseholes at times and it's frightening but we can't improve it all if we don't know how . 

We have to understand how to connect to the car, to believe in all it can do and trust in it before we attempt the take off maneuver or deep water dive or whatever else we believe our car is capable of with the right wings or fins or vision and creativity. It's like the key isn't a thing so much as an intuitive connection, we need to feel it, know it and trust it to use it, it takes time, practice and patience. 

When we get good at knowing our own car, our own lane, our own colour palette, limitations, needs and desires maybe everyone can build up to respecting other people's cars, ways of driving and journeys - be forced to read the "highway code", take a theory as well as a practical test, have their licence revoked if they fail the socially accepted way of driving and maintaining their car  wow, what a world that would truly be. 

Love is the only fuel that truly matters, the only medicine that makes a difference, that matters but in this world it's almost obsolete . If love is water, we are all woefully dehydrated, if it's petrol we're on fumes. Love is the one thing evil people in the world cannot understand, cannot beat, cannot control but they crave it without really knowing it's what's missing - what they need, it's so sad. 

Truly accepting the significance of what cannot be seen and more importantly, how that changes absolutely everything in our entire existence here and beyond is life changing. If people could know, could believe they wouldn't stress or manipulate events to get what they want because they'd be able to trust that they will always get what they need even if it means driving just a little bit further to find it. To me "all that can't be seen but matters" is another "new colour" ... Let's call this one Tingle. 

My world is changing irreversibly as my car turns into it's new improved Space Ship, my eye's opened to new insights and my mind blown apart with new understandings - my heart and soul were destroyed by the overwhelming influence of Roopey in everything I could see but now to counterbalance the darkest hues of it I see everywhere there is the very bright contrast of Tingle and that renews my hope and belief because I know now that so much is possible and this isn't the end, it's just the beginning